Surviving This Easter’s Family Gathering: Tips for Staying Authentic to Gender-Creative Parenting
Reflecting on the Journey
Easter is just around the corner, and we’re buzzing with excitement and a touch of nerves as we prepare for a weekend at my dad’s. This Easter is particularly special, marking Evan’s first birthday. It immerses us in the warmth of family traditions and those awkward yet well-meaning quirks that make our family gatherings memorable.
Our journey car ride to Grandpa’s house is a blend of party tunes and contemplative silence, giving me ample time to wonder about how this Easter will unfold. We’ve chosen a path that allows Evan to explore their identity freely, a decision supported by our immediate family. Yet, the curiosity in our extended family’s eyes, especially on topics like Evan’s preferences and expressions, is palpable.
Balancing the joy of togetherness and advocating for Evan’s right to self-identity turns these family gatherings into platforms for gentle education, understanding, and occasionally, unexpected revelations.
Standing Against Labels
For instance, the topic of diaper changes has unexpectedly turned into a whispered spectacle, as if the details might unlock the mysteries of the universe. While mostly benign, this curiosity sometimes necessitates a quiet corner away from prying eyes. Reinforcing our stand against the odd obsession with labels and privacy.
It’s important to clarify that my family’s interest doesn’t cross into discomfort. However, their conversations have an undeniable undercurrent, a lingering push toward traditional expectations. Such moments highlight the deep-seated nature of societal norms and the continuous journey of advocacy and understanding we’ve embarked on as a family.
This dynamic was especially highlighted months back when my aunt, with a blend of curiosity and concern, inquired about Evan’s toy preferences at just three months old. Her attempt to gleam just a subtle hint of gender from what they played with. Her question caught me off guard, vividly illustrating how deeply engrained societal gender norms are, even among those striving to carve out our identities.
Another moment unfolded with a different aunt, who, after overhearing a slip of a gendered pronoun, rushed to share her ‘discovery’ with my stepmom. She was certain she had unveiled a significant secret about Evan. Her eagerness to categorize gender, despite our continued explanations, reflects society’s fixation with labels.
New Beginnings and Family Gatherings
This Easter, then, is not just a holiday. It affirms our family’s intricate dynamics, a testament to patience, grace, and the beauty of diverse perspectives. We’re laying the groundwork for meaningful connections, embracing the opportunity to challenge norms, and share our unique journey.
Around the dinner table, the strength of our family bonds shines, a reminder of our collective resilience and love. This Easter, as we share stories and celebrate Evan’s authentic self, we aim to spread a message of acceptance and understanding far beyond our table.
Every diaper change, every chuckle at an unexpected question, and the warmth of family support reveal the true joys of life. As we celebrate another year of Evan’s life, we’re reminded of the invaluable gifts of acceptance and the freedom to be ourselves.
As we pack our bags for this family gathering, let’s talk about some ways that may help us prepare for the journey.
1. Embrace Your Child’s Authenticity:
Preparation: Before the gathering, have a conversation with your child about their feelings and how they’d like to be referred to in front of relatives. This can help reinforce their sense of self and ensure they feel supported.
Expression: Encourage your child to choose their outfit for the event. Whether it’s a dinosaur tee or a sparkly dress, what matters is that they feel comfortable and themselves.
2. Navigate Curiosity with Grace:
Educate in Advance: If comfortable, consider sending a brief message to attending family members explaining your approach to gender creativity. Highlight your child’s interests and pronouns, setting the stage for a respectful interaction.
Responding to Questions: Prepare some responses for possible questions or comments about your child’s gender expression. A simple “Evan loves this shirt because dinosaurs are awesome!” can redirect the conversation positively.
3. Foster a Safe Space:
Find Allies: Identify family members who understand and support your child’s gender creativity. Having allies can create a buffer and a sense of security for your child during the gathering.
Quiet Zones: Establish a quiet space where your child can take a break if they feel overwhelmed. This can be a bedroom or a quiet corner, pre-arranged with a favorite book or toy.
4. Celebrate and Educate:
Sharing Stories: If the opportunity arises, share stories of Evan’s achievements and interests that aren’t tied to gender norms. This not only celebrates your child but also indirectly educates others.
Openness to Learning: Encourage relatives to ask questions if they’re curious, provided they do so with respect and in private. This can lead to meaningful conversations and deeper understanding.
5. Reflection and Connection:
Post-Visit Reflection: After the gathering, spend time with your child discussing their experience. This can be a moment to affirm their positive and challenging feelings.
Strengthen Bonds: Highlight moments of support and understanding from family members. Reinforce that while not everyone may fully understand yet, the love and bonds of family are paramount.
Navigating family dynamics as a gender-creative family isn’t without its challenges, but it’s also filled with moments of profound love and understanding. By preparing, educating, and advocating, we support our child and pave the way for a more inclusive and accepting world. Here’s to celebrating every hue of the rainbow this Easter and in all upcoming gatherings.
