Understanding the Dangers of Being Queer - Lesbian in the Treehouse

The other day, I found myself immersed in a deep conversation with my mom about the essence and purpose of my blog. She’s been an incredible pillar of support, eagerly sharing my blog with friends and family. Her intentions are genuine; she aims to help others understand my unique family structure and perspectives. However, I had to explain to her the dangers of being queer and why I chose to keep my identity anonymous on this platform and why I needed her to do the same.

Our world can often be unwelcoming, especially for those who stray from conventional norms. Marginalized communities, dealing with persistent racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and more, constantly face discrimination. As a queer family, we’re not strangers to such prejudices and challenges that significantly affect our everyday lives.

We are fortunate to live in a progressive city with a certain level of protection, but this doesn’t completely insulate us from harm.

The Lone “Crazy Person”

Take, for instance, an incident from a few summers ago. Our family was enjoying a peaceful day floating the river. Eli and Charlie, shirtless at the time, unwittingly drew the attention of a man onshore who mistook them for topless women. When he realized his error, his catcalls rapidly devolved into slurs and death threats. Though we were seemingly safe in the middle of the river, the incident left us shaken with ‘what ifs.’ What if he had been armed? What if he had chosen to act on his threats?

Such incidents are often dismissed as the actions of a lone ‘crazy person.’ But therein lies the issue – we can never predict who the next ‘crazy person’ might be or when they might cross our path. The unpredictability of these encounters keeps us perpetually on guard.

Being Trans in Public

Even mundane activities, like using a public restroom, can become a source of anxiety and danger for Eli. He frequently faces challenges about his restroom choice, irrespective of gender.

In a recent Broadway show incident, Eli was standing in line for the women’s bathroom. Quickly, a woman politely informed him that he was on the wrong line. When Eli confirmed he was on the correct line, the women became aggressive and angry.

For many trans individuals, navigating public spaces involves a delicate balance between safety and comfort. Many men’s bathrooms do not have closed stales for people to enter. This lack of privacy forces trans men to choose between their safety and their identity. This distressing reality, as our nanny recently shared with me, is an everyday challenge for many in the transgender community.

In Oregon, a trans woman was brutally attacked for using the women’s restroom in a public park. The assault, carried out by a man who went out of his way to confront her, resulted in severe injuries, including a broken jaw. This terrifying event underscores the dangers the trans community faces regularly.

I am not trans and have not experienced these specific difficulties. But my experiences as a queer individual intersect with many of these challenges. Adding layers of complexity to how we exist and move through the world.

Lesbians in Love

Like the time, Eli and I were called “disgusting lesbians” at a college soccer game. We have learned that sometimes survival means adopting strategies that keep us disguised from the world and often feel like a betrayal to ourselves.

Our experiences vividly illustrated this complexity, particularly during our honeymoon in Nepal. At that time, Eli presented more femininely, and we were acutely aware that Nepal’s stance on queer individuals was less than fully accepting. To safeguard ourselves, we introduced ourselves as sisters, obscuring our true relationship. This meant that during a period typically filled with public celebration for newlyweds, we had to conceal our love and commitment behind a facade of siblinghood.

Unfortunately, these challenges aren’t limited to distant places; they also happen close to home in our daily environments. A recent incident involving a close friend underscored this harsh reality, highlighting the continuous struggle for acceptance and safety within our community.

Even in Liberal Areas

He and his husband were dining out with their daughter when confronted and berated by a woman who vehemently criticized their family. She accused them of being disgraceful and said they should be ashamed for raising a child as two gay men. Their daughter, just ten years old, was left devastated and in tears. The indifference of other diners only added to the pain. This incident reminds us of our community’s ongoing struggle for acceptance and safety.

Our lives are marked by discrimination and fear—people harassed in restrooms, queer couples arrested for showing affection publicly, and our need to hide our identities while traveling. These are not isolated incidents; they reflect the broader societal challenges that queer individuals face.

Adding our child, Evan, to our family has only heightened our concerns. Choosing to raise Evan in a gender-creative environment is a celebration of our identity, but it also exposes us to additional risks.

Legislation

Here’s a revised version of your sentence:

Recently, states such as Texas and Florida have passed laws that affect transgender and gender non-conforming children and their families. These laws, presented as protective measures, face criticism for violating the rights of children and parents by treating gender-affirming care as abuse.

These laws foster a climate of fear and uncertainty, forcing families into legal battles and risking disruptions to family life. The denial of essential healthcare for their children poses significant challenges for those advocating for the rights and health of transgender youth. It navigates an environment marked by legal and ideological conflicts.

Kyl Myers, in “Raising Them,” recounts her ordeal with Child Protective Services due to her decision to raise her child gender-creatively. These aren’t just isolated incidents; they reflect the everyday realities that shape our existence. Living authentically as ourselves is a statement that attracts both support and hostility. Our family, like many others, balances visibility and vulnerability.

Through my blog, I aim to raise awareness and protect my family. My decision to remain anonymous isn’t because I fear judgment. It’s a necessary precaution in a world where our identities could put us at risk. I stress privacy to my mom not out of embarrassment or secrecy but to protect our loved ones from any unintended harm that might come from my blog’s openness.