Redefining Parenting: Introducing Gender-Creative Parenting
Welcome to the beginning of what I hope will be many posts about our experiences with gender-creative parenting. Iβm currently five months pregnant, and my partner and I decided early on that we would raise our child outside of societyβs traditional gender norms. This means we wonβt be sharing our childβs genitalia with the world, including close friends and family.
We didnβt have a specific term for it when we first decided. Some people call it gender-neutral parenting, raising non-gendered children, or genderless parenting. Each of these terms can mean different things to different people, and some might resonate more depending on who is parenting.
Even the term βgender-creative parentingβ doesnβt always feel perfect, but itβs the one weβve chosen because it best captures our approach. For us, gender-creative parenting means not assigning a gender to our child at birth. By not giving others a gender to focus on, we force them to treat our child as such, free from the pressures of gender stereotypes. This approach allows our children to explore their identities and interests without pressure from societyβs gender expectations.
We aspire to give our children the freedom to explore everything without limitations. We want them to experience a range of toys, clothes, and activities free from gender rules. As they grow, they will tell us what feels good to them, including their chosen pronouns.
The goal is to let our children create a sense of self without feeling limited by what society tells them they have to be because of their gender. Itβs a journey of discovery, not just for our children but for us as parents. Weβre excited to share our experiences, challenges, and triumphs with you as we navigate this path.
History of Gender-Creative Parenting
Gender-creative parenting may seem like a new idea in modern society, but it actually has deep historical roots. Long before TikTok taught us about gender fluidity, many Indigenous cultures embraced and honored diversity in gender identity. These cultures recognized multiple gender roles beyond just male and female. They celebrated the unique contributions of individuals who embodied these roles.
For example, many Native American tribes honored Two-Spirit people for having both masculine and feminine qualities. Similarly, some African, Asian, and Pacific Island cultures have honored gender-fluidity for centuries. They allowed people to express their identities freely and without stigma. These societies valued the unique roles of gender-diverse individuals. This shows that gender-creative parenting is not new or trendy but a long-standing and respected approach in many cultures.
In contrast, the strict gender norms in Western societies today are quite recent. Until the last century, children in Western cultures were often dressed and treated the same way, regardless of sex. It was common for all young children to wear dresses and be called neutral terms like βit.βΒ This continued until they were older and gender distinctions were more enforced.
Rigid gender roles and stereotypes for boys and girls started in the early 20th century. This change was influenced by industrialization, marketing, and evolving social norms. Pink and blue, now associated with girls and boys, were not considered gender-specific colors until the 1940s. Before that, childrenβs clothing and toys were generally neutral. There was little focus on gender-specific marketing.
Today, it feels like we are at a massive societal divide. Media, marketing, and advertising heavily push the gender divide in toys, clothes, and sports. Yet, gender-creative parenting is growing in popularity. We must remember that it wasnβt always like this. Modern-day capitalism has pushed us far from a space of inclusive and fluid understandings of gender. It is more important than ever to embrace gender-creative parenting to bring back a broader and more diverse understanding of human identity.
Current Trends in Gender-Creative Parenting
Gender-creative parenting has recently become more popular and recognized in mainstream parenting circles.
One of the first families to publicly embrace this method was Canadian parents Kathy Witterick and David Stocker. They made headlines by choosing not to disclose the sex of their child, Storm, at birth. While the couple had two older children, Storm was the first with whom they took a strict stance on not sharing a gender. Their decision sparked a lot of conversation and anger. However, it also showed that raising children without traditional gender norms is possible.
Another well-known example is Kyl Myers and her husband Brent, who raised their child, Zoomer, without assigning a gender. In her bookΒ Raising Them, Kyl shares their detailed journey of gender-creative parenting. She tells stories of the challenges and rewards of parenting Zoomer free of gender. Their story shows how children can thrive without being limited by societal gender expectations. This freedom allows them to explore all of lifeβs joys.
Social media platforms, like TikTok, have become important for promoting gender-creative parenting. Creator Markus Harwood-Jones shares how they make gender-creative parenting work for their families.
Markus, his husband, and their best friend co-parent their child, River. Given their own personal connection with the queer community, they choose not to label River with a gender. They aim to provide River with a life free from traditional gender norms, allowing them to explore their identity.
More parents are seeing the benefits of raising children without societal gender stereotypes, leading to an increase in gender-creative families. Unfortunately, many of these families face pushback from friends, relatives, and society. Despite this, most are happy with their decision and have no regrets about choosing gender-creative parenting. This growing community offers a supportive network for those on this journey.
The move towards gender-creative parenting shows a shift towards accepting different gender identities. It encourages an inclusive environment where children can be themselves, free from gender roles. As this trend grows, it leads to a future where every child can celebrate who they are without societal expectations.
For Us: Embracing Gender-Creative Parenting
Since deciding to become parents, we have immersed ourselves in the world of gender-creative parenting. Weβve read extensively on the topic and continue to learn every day. While thereβs still much to discover about how we will parent our child, we feel confident in our foundational choices. Weβve had our share of doubts and uncertainties, but weβre committed to this path and excited to share our journey with you.
This blog will focus significantly on our experiences with gender-creative parenting. I am eager to share our journey as we navigate the challenges and celebrate the triumphs, growing, and learning alongside our little one.
Our Approach to Gender-Creative Parenting
We are committed to gender-creative parenting. This approach will allow our child to explore and express their true selves. We want to create a space free from traditional gender roles and expectations. We will not impose a gender identity on our child from birth. Our plan is to use gender-neutral pronouns and keep our childβs sex private, including from close friends and family. This will continue until our child is old enough to express their preferences.
We aim to create a supportive environment where our children can be themselves. We want them to follow their interests and passions, regardless of whether those interests are βfor boysβΒ or βfor girls.βΒ Each child is unique, with their own identities and interests. They should be free to express themselves without the limits of gender rules. This means letting our child choose their clothes, toys, and activities and supporting them in their choices.
By adopting this approach, we aim to ensure that our child is treated as an individual, not confined by societal expectations based on their sex. This will help our child develop a strong sense of self and confidence in their identity.
We are excited to share our journey. We hope it can provide insights and inspiration for other families considering gender-creative parenting.
Join Us on This Journey
As we continue on this path, we look forward to sharing what we have learned, our challenges, and our joys. Gender-creative parenting is a journey of growth and discovery for both parents and children, and we are thrilled to be on this adventure. Thank you for joining us as we embrace this unique and fulfilling approach to parenting.
