Letting Go of Harry Potter: Navigating Allyship and Friendship
The Magic and Nostalgia of Harry Potter
Ah, the sweet, nostalgic allure of Harry Potter. It whisked so many of us away to a world where anything seemed possible – a world of wands, wizards, and whimsy.
For a generation, particularly millennials, this series was more than just books; it was a childhood companion that grew up alongside us. From the intimate act of flipping pages under our blankets to the immersive experience of movies and theme parks, Harry Potter offered us a magical escape from reality.
The Collision of Nostalgia and Social Justice
However, our adoration for Harry Potter now collides with the stark reality of J.K. Rowlingβs contentious views on transgender rights. Identified as a TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist), her stance casts a shadow over the magical world we have come to cherish.
Her perspective against the trans community started to gain public attention in late 2019, shortly after her support of Maya Forstater, a researcher who lost her job due to transphobic tweets.
Rowling further fueled the controversy in 2020 when she criticized the inclusive phrase βpeople who menstruate,β which was seen as dismissive of transgender identities, particularly those of trans men and non-binary individuals.
Her essay on the subject outlined her beliefs about biological sex and concerns over gender self-identification, sparking a divided response. The trans community and Harry Potter celebrities criticized her views as harmful and transphobic, while some feminists supported her, voicing concerns about sex-based rights.
Our Personal Dilemma
For those in the LGBTQ+ community and our allies, this presents a challenging dilemma. Supporting Rowling could seem like an indirect endorsement of her views, yet distancing ourselves from Harry Potter feels like losing a part of our personal narrative.
This struggle is deeply personal for me. As a lover of books and a fan of the series, every adorable Harry Potter onesie tugs at my heart. But it also clashes with our commitment to gender-creative parenting. Buying that onesie, no matter how nostalgic, contradicts the values we are trying to instill in our child.
My sadness deepens as I ponder a future where Evan might miss out on the joy and wonder that Harry Potter has brought to countless children. Although I am open to exploring any book Evan shows interest in, I cannot see myself eagerly purchasing and sharing the Harry Potter series with them.
Navigating Friendships and Beliefs
This conflict isnβt limited to my internal deliberations; it involves those around us, like Faye, my dear friend and housemate. Adorned with Harry Potter memorabilia, Fayeβs room speaks volumes of her love for the series. Yet, her dedication as an ally to the trans community creates a striking contradiction.
A recent shopping trip with Faye and Evan highlighted this tension. Amidst the holiday rush, Faye eagerly picked out a Potter-themed outfit for Evan. I firmly voiced my concerns to her, emphasizing the importance of the message our choices send, particularly in light of our shared commitment to supporting the trans community. However, fiercely independent and passionate Faye went ahead with the purchase.
Iβve spoken to Faye about her ongoing support for Potter merchandise, sharing stories from the trans community and personal anecdotes from our trans friends. Despite these conversations, her deep connection to Harry Potter makes it challenging for her to let go.
In the days following our shopping tip, the impact of Fayeβs purchase was felt most acutely by Bear, our wonderful nanny and a member of the trans community. The Harry Potter clothing on our kitchen table was a stark reminder of the prejudice and intolerance he faces, a direct contradiction to the safe and accepting environment we strive to maintain in our home.
The situation escalated when Eli returned home just before Christmas. Fayeβs excitement about dressing Evan in it for Christmas was evident, but it was at odds with Eliβs discomfort. His response, marked by honesty, assertiveness, and empathy, highlighted the painful implications of supporting a franchise linked to Rowlingβs views.
Finding Balance in Our Journey
Lifeβs journey often involves a delicate balance between our beliefs and those of the people around us. This is particularly true as we raise our child outside traditional societal norms. It illustrates the complexities of navigating allyship and friendship while staying true to oneβs principles.
In the current situation, I recognize the importance of wisely choosing my battles. I may not completely change Fayeβs perspective, but I am determined to articulate my stance clearly. I stand firm in not supporting Rowlingβs hurtful rhetoric, and my advocacy for the trans community remains unwavering.
When it comes to the people in our lives who continue to love and cherish a childhood favorite, I understand that change is a gradual process, and comprehension develops over time. In our home, the choices we make, especially concerning Evanβs upbringing, consistently reflect our values of love, inclusivity, and respect for diverse identities, respecting the fact that everyone, including my child when theyβre older, has the right to their own choices and beliefs.
