Thriving in Solo Parenting: 6 Essential Tips for Single Parents
The Solo Parenting Adventure Begins
Today unfolded as one of those unyielding days where the pace never seemed to slow. Eli has been away for a week now, with another week to go before his return. The management of our daily life is becoming palpably heavy, a reality of being a single parent in our polyamorous family dynamic.
This week, the challenges seem amplified, possibly because our nanny, Bear, is out sick, leaving me with scant moments of respite. Compounding this, Faye, my housemate, is submerged in work, returning home long after bedtime. I find myself missing our adult conversations—those necessary pauses in the rhythm of everyday life.
In the stillness that envelops the house after Evan has been tucked into bed, I often engage in introspection about the distinct nature of our family structure. The quiet night accentuates a sense of isolation, yet I am also reminded of the resilience and strength that our polyamorous life bestows upon us.
Navigating these days without Eli is arduous. At times, I wish his absences were shorter and his journeys less far. Yet, given our polyamorous beliefs, this is the family structure we agree to, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It means I’m a part-time single parent. Eli’s return always brings a wave of support, helping me catch up and regain balance.
Crafting a Routine: A Day in the Life
Evan and I have settled into a daily routine that dances to its own beat. Our mornings kick off early, often propelled by my indispensable cup of coffee. Breakfast with Evan is a lively affair, filled with the delightful messes and discoveries of navigating solid foods. Next, playtime—a cherished opportunity to expend some of that boundless toddler energy before Evan’s first nap at 10:00 AM.
This nap ushers in my golden hour, a precious window for self-care where I indulge in a workout and a refreshing shower, reenergizing for the day ahead. By 11:30 AM, Evan is awake, and we’re off to the park, basking in the joy of outdoor play and exploration.
Returning home, we enjoy lunch, followed by more playful engagement until it’s time for Evan’s second nap at 3:00 PM. This interval transforms me into a multitasking maestro, seamlessly navigating the day’s chores, from phone calls and financial planning to dishwashing, laundry, and tidying up.
Around 4:30 PM, Evan reemerges, ready for the next installment of fun, which gracefully transitions into our evening routine: dinner, a soothing bath at 7:00 PM, and quiet time in the nursery, culminating in Evan’s bedtime at 8:00 PM.
With Evan peacefully asleep, the night becomes my sanctuary. This period is my oasis, offering a chance to unwind or catch up on pending tasks amidst the serene quietude of our home.
While our routine offers a wonderful framework for managing our days with flexibility—allowing for errands and calls during nap times—its constant repetition sometimes casts a shadow of monotony over the vibrant tapestry of our days.
The Support System
When Eli is home, the dynamic shifts, bringing more balance. I get a chance to step back a bit. He’s great at taking over – doing household chores while I handle Evan’s naps or taking care of Evan so I can focus on my blog.
The same goes for when our nanny, Bear, is here. I can relax and concentrate for more than a few hours, getting my work done. This way, when I’m with Evan again, I can be fully present without worrying about pending tasks.
However, there are also challenging weeks like this week, like when Evan falls ill or Bear, our nanny, cannot come in. In such instances, my energy levels plummet, and the task of keeping up with everything becomes significantly more difficult. These are the moments that starkly remind me of the complexities and demands of single parenting.
Reflecting on the experiences of full-time single parents gives me pause. Managing all these responsibilities solo, frequently juggling a full-time job, they make tremendous sacrifices, prioritizing their children above all else. Facing every decision and challenge without the support of a partner, their strength is immense, earning my deepest respect and admiration. Knowing that I have support from Eli, Bear, or Faye within reach brings me comfort.
Challenges and Joys
Solo parenting has its ups and downs but also brings unique joys. Evan and I share special moments and adventures when it’s just us. Each day brings something new, from witnessing Evan’s firsts to exploring the world together. These experiences are precious, and even though Eli misses out on some due to our family structure, they’re integral to my bond with Evan.
Our adventures can be spontaneous and limitless. At any point, we can just get into the car and go. These unplanned moments often turn into our best memories. We move at our own pace, sometimes slowly savoring our activities, and other times, we’re caught up in a flurry of excitement and discovery.
But these solo parenting times aren’t just about adventures; they also strengthen my connection with Evan. I get to know them more deeply – their likes, dislikes, and all the little things that make them unique. These moments also allow me time for personal reflection and growth, which is hard to come by in our busy polyamorous family life.
Embracing the Journey
From the outset of my pregnancy, Eli and I were aligned in our approach to parenting. Our decision, deeply intertwined with our polyamorous identity, acknowledged single parenting as an inherent aspect of our lives. We devoted considerable time to strategizing its integration into our daily routine, focusing on both the inherent challenges and the enriched bond it could foster with Evan.
When Eli is home, he really changes how our family works. He does more than just help out; he becomes a big part of our family life. He makes up for the time he’s away from Evan by helping a lot around the house. This gives me time to rest and work on myself. His commitment shows in everything from morning routines to dinner time, proving he really understands our family’s daily life.
Moreover, we prioritize our connection as partners beyond our co-parenting roles. Setting aside dedicated time for each other, we recognize the critical nature of nurturing our relationship amidst our parenting duties.
Occasionally, I ponder the scenario of Eli’s constant presence. Undoubtedly, shared parenting duties would mitigate the challenges of single parenting. Yet, reflecting on our polyamorous lifestyle enriches me with insights into love, resilience, and flexibility. Our family structure has gifted me invaluable moments of independence and self-discovery, experiences I may not have encountered in a different setting.
Thus, our journey into polyamory extends beyond parenting and relationship dynamics; it’s a profound exploration of love’s boundless capacity and flexibility. It represents a deliberate choice that mirrors our true selves, providing growth and satisfaction amid complexities. Embracing our chosen path, I wholeheartedly value the distinct experiences and lessons it introduces to our family life.
Tips for Surviving Solo Parenting
As we navigate the journey of solo parenting, here are six key tips to help you thrive. These insights are inspired by our experiences and designed to offer support, understanding, and encouragement.
1. Embrace the Routine, Yet Stay Flexible. Just like our morning rituals and structured naps provide a foundation for the day, establishing a routine can offer much-needed predictability for you and your child. However, life is full of surprises, especially with little ones, so remember to stay flexible. Adapt your schedule as needed, and don’t be too hard on yourself if things don’t always go according to plan.
2. Find Your Golden Hour. Identify those moments in your day that can become your sanctuary of solitude. For me, it’s the precious time during Evan’s naps and the quiet evenings after bedtime. Whether it’s dedicating time to a hobby, exercising, or simply enjoying a cup of coffee in peace, these moments are crucial for your mental and emotional well-being. Guard them jealously and use them to recharge.
3. Create a Support Network. Solo doesn’t have to mean isolated. Reach out to friends, family, or even a supportive community online. Share your experiences, seek advice, and don’t shy away from asking for help when you need it. A chat with a friend, a family member babysitting for a few hours, or just knowing you’re not alone in this can make a world of difference.
4. Prioritize Self-Care. In the hustle of meeting your child’s needs, don’t neglect your own. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Whether pursuing a hobby that brings you joy, maintaining a fitness routine, or indulging in some quiet reading time, find what replenishes your energy and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.
5. Accept the Challenges with Grace. Solo parenting is tough, and it’s okay to have moments of doubt or frustration. Accept these feelings without judgment. Remind yourself of the strength and resilience you possess. Each challenge is an opportunity to grow and learn, both as a parent and as an individual.
6. Cherish the Moments. Amidst the challenges, there are countless moments of joy and connection waiting to be cherished. The morning giggles, the park adventures, and the bedtime stories are precious. These moments forge an unbreakable bond between you and your child. Embrace them, for they make all the hard work infinitely worthwhile.
As you move forward on your solo parenting journey, remember that you are capable of more than you know. Each day may not be perfect, but in the eyes of your child, you are their world—and that’s everything.
