Christmas in a Poly Tapestry: Unwrapping Our Unique Celebrations

With the holiday season twinkling around us, I felt the urge to share how Christmas unfolds in our polyamorous family tapestry.   It’s a blend of traditional joy and our own unique poly flair, which has evolved and adjusted over the years.

Looking back to the days before our little one arrived and before our poly journey began, I reflect on how, even after 13 years, Eli and I continue to cherish the holidays with friends and family.  

We’ve hosted many extravagant meals, ranging from Peking Turkey with fried rice stuffing to Beef Wellington with Lobster Bisque.  While Thanksgiving was a major event with my family, Christmas was always a toss-up holiday, sometimes with my relatives, other times with Eli’s, but always together.

As our polyamorous connections blossomed, Christmas evolved into time spent beyond just us, extending special moments to our other partners while still expending the main event with our immediate families.

In 2019, with Charlie newly moved in, we ventured to Colorado for a snowy Christmas with Eli’s family, making stops for some downhill fun.  It was a magical first Christmas as a Polycue.

For the next two years, still recuperating from the pandemic, we chose a cozy Christmas huddled at home.  Faye, who had been living with us through COVID, made our family bubble complete for the holidays.

Then 2022 happened, a year of seismic shifts.  Eli and Charlie had moved out of state, and the harmony in our polycule faced discord.  It was like navigating the aftermath of a divorce, with Eli shuttling between households every two weeks.

It was the first Christmas Eli and I had spent apart since 2011, with Eli choosing to spend it with Charlie,  anticipating future Christmases revolving around the little one that was coming.  

This year, we’ve decided to embrace a tranquil Christmas in our own space, just our little family, steering clear of the stress of travel and family drama. 

 The anticipation of Eli’s return fills our home with excitement for our first Christmas as parents.  Embracing the festive spirit, we’ve admittedly splurged on gifts for Evan, creating a positive and joyous atmosphere in our cozy haven.  This intimate celebration is about cherishing these precious moments together and building new traditions and memories as a family.

Reflecting on the past, Eli and I always dreamt of a seamless polycule – living and loving like one big family, sharing all our holidays.  The reality?  It’s a bit more complex.  

Charlie and I aren’t on speaking terms, and it’s not entirely clear when or if we’ll find a way back to shared celebrations.  But we are learning how to navigate the holidays within our polycue.  It requires empathy, communication, and, sometimes, the hard decisions of prioritizing one household over another.  

Each new year will present its unique challenges: coordinating schedules, respecting everyone’s emotional needs, and preserving the joy of the season amidst the potential for tension.  

It is a dance that is even more delicate when there are unresolved issues or changing dynamics within the polycule, as we’ve experienced firsthand.  It’s a time when the strengths and vulnerabilities of our relationships are magnified, reminding us of the ongoing work required to maintain harmony and understanding in our chosen family structure.  

Yet, amidst these complexities, the holidays also offer beautiful opportunities for growth, deeper connections, and reaffirming our commitment to each other’s happiness, no matter the form it takes.

So, here’s to our beautifully unconventional holiday season!  May your celebrations be filled with love in all forms, embracing your life’s unique tapestry.