Embracing Diversity: Finding a Nanny for a Gender-Creative Family

In the complex world of childcare, searching for a nanny who understands and embraces each family’s unique journey can feel daunting. As a polyamorous, gender-creative family, we needed to find someone who was not just tolerant but also supportive of our lifestyle and parenting practices.

Connecting with Community

My journey towards finding the right nanny for our family began well before our child Evan was even conceived. Initially, my goal was to connect with a community that shared our queer and polyamorous family values. I joined various online groups where I could engage with people who understood our lifestyle.

As I scrolled through the daily feeds, I encountered several posts from nannies. It was reassuring to see so many available options, affirming that when the time came, we would find a good match for our family’s unique needs.

Bear, a polyamorous, queer, transgender college student looking for work, stood out among them. I quickly reached out via Facebook to spark a conversation and establish a preliminary connection.

Months later, our paths crossed in person at a local coffee shop, and the encounter reinforced my initial impression. At this point, I was pregnant, and my partner Eli and I realized we needed to sit down and define what we wanted in a nanny. We knew we wanted someone who not only provided care but also shared and actively participated in our values. Bear remained a strong candidate, as none of the other nannies we met felt right.

Trail-run

A few weeks after Evan was born, I needed a babysitter during Pride weekend; Bear was the obvious choice. They visited our home the week before to meet Evan, and it became clear they were a perfect fit. Their interaction with Evan was full of care and attention, impressing me with their passion and engagement.

The day Bear babysat, they brought books that reflected our family values and how we planned to raise Evan. They even wore a matching shirt to coordinate with Evan that day. It was the first time I was leaving Evan with someone other than Eli, and I couldn’t have felt more at ease. Although I was still deciding whether to hire a regular nanny, I knew Bear would be the perfect fit when the time came.

As Evan grew, my need for assistance increased, especially during the weeks when Eli was away. I needed someone to help with Evan so I could manage basic tasks around the house. Once again, I contacted Bear to see if they could help more regularly.

After reviewing their availability, Bear told me they could commit two days a week. With this arrangement, the hiring process officially began. I needed to ensure we brought someone into our home we could trust long-term.

Becoming Part of the Family

Bear has now become a natural part of our family. They truly understand and support our family’s way of doing things and are much more than just a nanny. They play a role in our family’s life, improving our experiences and becoming an important part of our support system.

In today’s world, the importance of finding a nanny who supports gender-creative and queer parenting is a must. For families like ours, a nanny becomes more than a caregiver. They are a partner in parenting and a significant influence on our children’s understanding of the world.

Baby at a beach — Photo by David Straight on Unsplash

Understanding Gender-Creative Parenting

Defining Gender-Creative

Gender-creative parenting is an approach that allows children to explore life without the strict rules of traditional gender roles. This method aims to reduce the often harmful ideas about how children should behave based solely on their gender. We do this by not publicly labeling our child with a gender.

Keeping this information private helps prevent the unconscious biases that people commonly hold. Children can express themselves and discover their identities at their own pace. The purpose is not to eliminate or suppress gender expression; instead, it’s about reducing the expectations placed on children to act or respond in specific ways based on their gender.

This means adopting a flexible and open approach to our child’s development in our family. We don’t limit our child’s choices to toys, activities, or clothing typically associated with a specific gender. Rather, we encourage them to explore a wide range of interests and expressions.

The Importance of Supportive Nanny

For families like ours, our nanny must do more than accept our lifestyle—they must actively support it. A supportive nanny reinforces the values we teach at home. This helps create a stable environment where our child feels confident and can freely explore their identity. Such support is vital for our child’s emotional and mental health, boosting their confidence and self-understanding.

Having Bear as our nanny has been incredible. As a polyamorous, queer person who has gone through their own gender identity journey, Bear fully understands our family dynamics. From gender-creative parenting to polyamory and Eli’s gender transition, Bear aligns completely with our values. They perfectly fit our parenting approach and family structure, making our home feel open and welcoming.

Choosing a nanny who embraces these values ensures that our children feel accepted and respected for who they are. This is essential for their healthy development. It’s not just about personal preference; it’s about teaching our children to cherish diversity and inclusiveness as fundamental parts of our society.

Preparing to Search for a Nanny

Setting Clear Goals and Defining Important Values

Before you start looking for a nanny, knowing exactly what you need is very important. For families who practice gender-creative or embrace other non-traditional norms, this means you should list the specific traits and values you want in a nanny.

First, figure out your must-haves: Does the nanny need experience with queer families? Is it important for them to understand gender neutrality? Are they open-minded to the concept of polyamory? Setting these standards early helps you focus on candidates who fit your needs.

Create a detailed document outlining your parenting philosophy, expectations, and daily routines. This document can serve as a reference point when meeting nannies.

Happy nanny with kiddo on arms in park — Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels

Our document included details on how we approach gender expression in our household, the language we use, and how we manage social interactions that might challenge our values. Sharing this with potential nannies helped us assess their alignment with our expectations.

From our experience, we knew we wanted someone comfortable with and excited about our family’s unique way of life. As we met with nannies, we checked for the key qualities we wanted: openness to diversity, experience with gender-creative parenting and polyamory, and active support of inclusive childcare.

Crafting Your Job Listing

Writing a Clear and Effective Job Description for Queer and Gender-Creative Families

When you write a job listing for a nanny, be clear about your family’s values and what you expect, especially when it comes to queer inclusivity. Being open and clear helps you find the right candidates and encourages honest communication.

State Your Values: Describe your commitment to gender-creative and queer-inclusive parenting. Explain why these principles are central to your family’s life. This approach will draw candidates who are either supportive of or experienced with these concepts.
Outline Specific Expectations: Define the nanny’s responsibilities, focusing on areas that support your family’s approach to gender and queer identities. For instance, specify if the nanny should have experience in gender diversity and participating in LGBTQ+ community events.
Highlight Desired Qualifications: In addition to regular childcare skills, highlight qualifications important for queer and gender-creative families. That is, understanding LGBTQ+ family dynamics, using gender-neutral language, or experience with diverse family setups.

Communicating Your Family’s Unique Needs

Your job listing should also communicate your family’s unique needs. This involves more than just listing duties; it’s about giving potential candidates a genuine insight into what it’s like to work with your family.

Use Inclusive Language. Use inclusive and open language, avoiding gendered terms to describe your child and the ideal nanny. This practice reinforces the environment you’re aiming to sustain at home.
Be Open About Your Family Structure. Describe your family composition and lifestyle. This openness will help candidates understand the context they’ll be working in and self-select based on alignment with their values and comfort level.
Include Practical Examples. To give candidates a clearer picture of the job, include scenarios or examples of typical situations they might handle. Examples may include navigating playgroup conversations or selecting gender-neutral toys and activities.

Interviewing Potential Nannies

Having a preset list of questions for interviews helps you compare how well each nanny’s values align with your family’s values. This allows you to gauge their understanding of and acceptance of your parenting approaches. Below are essential questions and tips for evaluating responses throughout the interview process.

Essential Questions to Ask Potential Nannies

What does gender-creative parenting mean to you, and what experience do you have with it?
How would you handle someone who disagrees with our approach to gender creativity?
What are your thoughts on gender-neutral pronouns, and are you comfortable with them?
How would you support a child’s interests and activities that don’t follow traditional gender norms?
How would you explain different family structures and gender identities to our child?
What strategies would you use to ensure our child feels supported and validated in exploring their identity?

Things to look for in Responses for Alignment with Gender-Creative and Queer Values

Depth of Understanding. Look for responses that clearly understand gender diversity and respect for all identities. A good nanny will have knowledge of the challenges faced by queer families and show a strong commitment to supporting these needs in a childcare setting.
Experience and Comfort Level. Consider the nanny’s comfort and expertise with gender-creative environments. Responses that provide specific examples from their past work often suggest a higher level of comfort and ability to adapt.
Proactive Approach. Notice if a nanny does more than accept gender-creative parenting principles. Look for someone who engages with these ideas by suggesting activities, books, or educational resources that promote an inclusive environment.
Empathy and Support. The best responses will show empathy and enthusiasm for working in a family that values diversity. Nannies should understand the importance of their role in fostering acceptance and supporting a child’s journey to discovering their identity.

Nanny sitting on armchair and giving interview

Evaluating Nanny Candidates

After interviewing potential nannies, the next step is to assess their suitability. Evaluate their interview responses, behaviors, professional references, and social media presence. This phase ensures you pick a nanny who meets your family’s needs.

Assessing Responses and Behavior

Consistency and Sincerity: Check if candidates consistently support gender-creative parenting in their responses. Their sincerity is often shown by their enthusiasm for discussing inclusive practices.
Behavioral Cues. Pay attention to non-verbal cues during the interview. Body language often shows the candidate’s comfort with the discussion topics. Are they open and relaxed when discussing gender diversity, or do they seem uncomfortable and hesitant?
Practical Knowledge. Candidates should support gender-creative parenting and show practical knowledge in daily activities. Look for specific examples or strategies they mention that promote a gender-inclusive environment.
Problem-Solving Skills. Consider their ability to manage hypothetical scenarios in a gender-creative and queer-friendly childcare setting. Effective problem-solving in these situations indicates their competence and adaptability.

Talk to Past Families. References are key to assessing a candidate’s past performance and reliability. When checking references, ask specific questions about their interactions with children regarding gender, identity, behavior, and professionalism. Ask if there are any safety concerns that you should be aware of.
Social Media Checks. Looking at a candidate’s social media can tell you more about their personality and what they value. Check for any public comments or posts that might match or go against your family’s values. For queer families, it’s good to know about the candidate’s involvement and reputation within your community.

Making the Hire

After selecting the right nanny, the next step is formalizing the hire. This is done by setting clear expectations and establishing open communication. This phase is important for building a strong, transparent working relationship that aligns with your family’s values and needs.

Drafting a Contract

Defined Roles and Responsibilities. The contract should outline the nanny’s duties, hours, and responsibilities. These may include things related to gender-creative parenting, such as supporting the child’s identity exploration or attending LGBTQ+ community events with the family.
Compensation and Benefits. Detail the salary, payment schedule, and benefits such as health insurance, paid time off, or bonuses. Clear terms help prevent misunderstandings and ensure a professional relationship.
Confidentiality and Privacy Agreements. Given the personal nature of the job and potentially sensitive family dynamics, include confidentiality clauses to protect your family’s privacy.
Termination Conditions. Specify the conditions under which either party can terminate the contract. To safeguard both parties’ interests, this should include notice periods and grounds for immediate dismissal.

Setting Expectations

Initial Training and Orientation. Arrange an initial training period to familiarize the nanny with your home and daily routines. This is a time to emphasize the nuances of gender-creative parenting and how it is practiced in your family.
Ongoing Goals and Reviews. Set up regular check-ins to discuss the child’s progress, the nanny’s dormancy, and any evolving family needs. These meetings can adjust roles as needed and ensure the nanny feels supported.

Establishing Open Communication

Regular Updates and Feedback: Encourage regular updates and open feedback from your nanny. A non-judgmental, open line of communication will allow the nanny to feel comfortable discussing any questions or concerns, particularly about parenting approaches.
Use of Technology. Set up shared digital calendars, messaging apps, or family management apps to maintain clear and consistent communication. This helps keep everyone aligned on schedules, special occasions, and any changes in family dynamics.
Emergency Contact and Procedures. Ensure the nanny has all necessary emergency contact information and understands the procedures for various emergencies.

Conclusion

Finding a nanny who supports queer family life is crucial for those who value diversity, inclusivity, and acceptance. This process creates an environment where children of queer families can feel acknowledged and freely explore their identities. The right nanny is more than a caregiver; they become partners in raising open-minded and confident kids.

During the hiring process, assess each candidate’s understanding of and commitment to your family’s values. Trusting your instincts is key; your reactions to a candidate’s responses can help determine if they’re the right fit.

We encourage you to participate in this process and share your experiences. Whether it’s tips on interviewing, writing job descriptions, or finding a supportive nanny, your insights can aid other families. Please share your stories or advice in the comments below. Sharing helps build a supportive community that benefits us all.

Finding the ideal nanny is more than just making a hire; it’s about bringing someone into your family who respects and lives by your values. Let’s keep supporting each other in creating inclusive and nurturing homes for our children.