A Polyamorous Christmas: Unwrapping Our Unique Celebrations

With the holiday season twinkling around us, I felt the urge to share how a polyamorous Christmas unfolds in our family. It’s a blend of traditional joy and our own unique poly flair, which has evolved and adjusted over the years.

Reflecting on Pre-Parenthood Holidays

Looking back to the days before our little one arrived, I reflect on how Eli and I have cherished the holidays with friends and family for 13 years. Over the years, we’ve hosted many extravagant meals, ranging from Peking Turkey with fried rice stuffing to Beef Wellington with Lobster Bisque.

While Thanksgiving was also a major holiday with my family, Christmas, on the other hand, was always a toss-up. Sometimes, it was with my family, and other times with Eli’s, but always together.

Even after becoming polyamorous, this tradition never changed.

Our Expanding Celebrations

As our polyamorous connections blossomed, Christmas evolved into time spent with our other partners and their families.

In 2019, my metamore had just moved in. We ventured out of state for a snowy Christmas with Eli’s family and enjoyed some downhill fun. It was a magical first Christmas as a polycule.

For the next two years, we chose a cozy Christmas at home, still recuperating from the pandemic. Faye, who had been living with us through COVID-19, made our family bubble complete for the holidays.

Navigating Changes and Challenges

Then 2022 happened, a year of seismic shifts. Eli and my metamore moved out of state, causing discord in our polycule. It felt like navigating the aftermath of a divorce, with Eli shuttling between households every two weeks.

Eli did Thanksgiving with me, but it was the first Christmas Eli and I spent apart since 2011. Eli chose to spend it with their other partner, anticipating future Christmases with the little one coming. I will admit that it wasn’t easier.

This year, the holidays switched, with Eli gone for Thanksgiving and here for Christmas. As this was our first Christmas with our kiddo, we decided to embrace a tranquil Christmas in our own space, just our little family. Steering clear of the stress of travel and family drama.

Our First Christmas as Parents

The anticipation of Eli’s return filled our home with excitement for our first Christmas as parents. Embracing the festive spirit, we splurged on gifts for Evan, creating a joyful atmosphere in our cozy haven. This intimate celebration was about cherishing these precious moments and building new traditions as a family.

Reflecting on the past, Eli and I always dreamt of a seamless polycule—living and loving like one big family, sharing all our holidays. However, the reality is a bit more complex. Therefore, the polyamorous Christmas we had dreamt about was going to have to wait.

Moving Forward with Empathy and Communication

My metamore and I aren’t on speaking terms, and it’s unclear when or if we’ll find a way back to shared celebrations. But we are learning how to navigate the holidays within our polycule. It requires empathy, communication, and sometimes hard decisions about prioritizing one household over another.

Each new year presents unique challenges: coordinating schedules, respecting everyone’s emotional needs, and preserving the joy of the season amidst potential tension. This is especially true during Christmas, as a polyamorous dynamic can add an extra layer of complexity.

Embracing Growth and Connection

As we’ve experienced firsthand, this dance is even more delicate with unresolved issues or changing dynamics within the polycule. It’s a time when our relationships’ strengths and vulnerabilities are magnified. This reminds us of the ongoing work required to maintain harmony and understanding in our chosen family structure.

Yet, amidst these complexities, the holidays also offer beautiful opportunities for growth and deeper connections. They reaffirm our commitment to each other’s happiness, regardless of form.

So, here’s to our beautifully unconventional holiday season! May your celebrations be filled with love in all forms, embracing your life’s unique tapestry. And remember, navigating Christmas while polyamorous can be a journey filled with challenges and joys, making each moment even more special.

Family having a polyamorous christmas dinner together — Photo by Nicole Michalou on Pexels

10 Tips for Getting Through the Holidays While Navigating a Polyamorous Relationship

Communicate Openly: Keep all partners in the loop about plans, expectations, and feelings. This helps to prevent misunderstandings and ensures that everyone feels included. Regular check-ins can help address any concerns and adjust plans as needed, fostering a sense of unity and transparency. Open communication is essential.
Prioritize Self-Care: During the busy holiday season, ensure you’re taking time for yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in pleasing everyone, but remember to set aside time for your own relaxation and reflection. Self-care can help you stay grounded and better support your partners during stressful times. Making time for self-care is crucial for enjoying your polyamorous Christmas.
Be Flexible: Plans might need to change; therefore, being adaptable helps reduce stress. Understand that with multiple people involved, schedules can conflict, and unexpected situations can arise. Consequently, being willing to adapt and find compromise can help maintain harmony and reduce holiday tension. Indeed, flexibility is key.
Set Boundaries: Make sure everyone knows and respects each other’s limits. Clear boundaries help prevent over-commitment and burnout. Additionally, discussing and agreeing on boundaries beforehand ensures that everyone is comfortable and aware of each other’s needs and limitations.
Divide Time Fairly: Balance time spent with each partner and their families. Ensuring each partner feels valued and included can be challenging but crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Consider creating a schedule that allows for quality time with each partner, including group and individual activities. Fairly dividing time is important for a harmonious polyamorous Christmas.
Manage Expectations: Be clear about what each person can realistically contribute to holiday plans. Openly discussing what is feasible in terms of time, gifts, and involvement can help align expectations and prevent disappointment. Setting realistic goals together can enhance the holiday experience for everyone. Managing expectations is essential for success.
Create New Traditions: Establishing new, inclusive traditions can make everyone feel involved and valued. Whether it’s a special meal, a shared activity, or a unique way of celebrating, creating traditions that include all partners fosters a sense of belonging and unity. New traditions can make your polyamorous Christmas even more special.
Celebrate in Smaller Groups: Sometimes, smaller, more intimate gatherings can be more meaningful and less overwhelming. Smaller celebrations can allow for deeper connections and more personal interactions, making the holiday experience more special and less stressful.
Practice Empathy: Understand that everyone might be dealing with their own holiday stress and emotions. Being empathetic and supportive can help navigate any challenges that arise. Acknowledging each other’s feelings and providing emotional support strengthens relationships and promotes a positive holiday atmosphere.
Focus on the Positive: Remember the joy and love that comes with the holidays and your polyamorous family. Emphasize the strengths of your relationships and the happiness you share. Celebrating the unique aspects of your family can help you appreciate your special bonds and create lasting memories. Focusing on the positive ensures a joyful polyamorous Christmas.