A Gender-Creative Approach to Parenting: Dealing with Family Comments
Imagine a world where babies can explore themselves without being boxed into βpinkβ or βblue.β Thatβs the journey we chose for our child with a gender-creative approach. But it hasnβt been all smooth sailing. Since deciding to raise our child without assigning a gender, weβve encountered a mix of reactions from friends, family, and strangers. As our baby grows, these interactions have not only shaped and affirmed our choices but also presented us with unique challenges to navigate.
Gender-creative parenting is a journey of joy and freedom. Itβs about not assigning a specific gender to our child at birth, allowing them to grow without the constraints of traditional gender roles and stereotypes. Our baby is a beacon of freedom, exploring their identity and preferences without being confined to βboyβ or βgirlβ categories.
This approach helps to prevent the push towards stereotypes and allows children to define their likes, dislikes, and identities on their own terms. For us, itβs about giving our children the freedom to be who they are without societal expectations dictating their choices.
Family Reactions to a Gender-Creative Approach to Parenting
When I was 12 weeks pregnant, we began sharing our news and our decision to embrace a gender-creative approach with our family. To help them understand, we gave each person a copy of βRaising Them,β a book about another familyβs experience with gender-creative parenting. This book sparked many insightful conversations.
- Momβs Response: My mom dove into the book immediately. Within two days, she finished it, and although she had questions, she was soon on board and excited about our decision. Her willingness to learn and support us meant the world. This positive reaction was a beacon of hope for us, showing that understanding and acceptance are possible.
- Sisterβs Reaction: One of my sisters initially thought our decision was a social stunt rather than a genuine commitment to our childβs unique identity. After we clarified our intentions, she became supportive and began to understand the depth of our choice.
- Stepmomβs Take: My stepmom was puzzled at first. She was eager to have a granddaughter and worried our approach might change that experience. But when she realized she could still bond with our baby through her favorite activities, like playing dress-up, regardless of gender, she warmed up to the idea and appreciated its freedom.
- Stepsisterβs Mixed Feelings: My stepsister was thrilled about our decision. However, moments after expressing her support, she guessed the babyβs gender based on old wivesβ tales, like assuming a boy because I didnβt have morning sickness. This showed us how ingrained gender assumptions can be, even among our most supportive family members.
Extended Family Reactions
Informing our extended family was a task I left to my parents. My mom called each of her siblings to share our pregnancy news and our choice to use a gender-creative approach. Reactions ranged from supportive to confused, with some even questioning our intelligence. Despite this, a family letter announcing our babyβs birth and our parenting style went without major pushback.
Their interactions provided more insight as we introduced our baby to extended family members. At a recent family gathering, my aunt thought she uncovered our babyβs βrealβ gender based on a pronoun slip. This highlighted how deep-seated gender assumptions can be and how challenging it is for some people to see beyond traditional gender norms.
Friends and Public Reactions
Our friends and even strangers have had varied reactions, often influenced by what our baby wears that day. Despite knowing about our gender-creative approach, friends sometimes switch pronouns based on our babyβs outfit. One moment, theyβll call the baby βheβ if in blue and βsheβ if in pink.
The general public reacts similarly. People often label our babies based on their clothes, and we usually donβt correct them. Occasionally, we explain our gender-creative approach. Teenagers typically catch on quickly and are excited about their choices. Older folks often find it harder to understand, leading to awkward moments and puzzled looks.
For example, during a family vacation, an older couple asked about the babyβs gender. I explained, βWe donβt assign a gender as we are a trans-inclusive, genderqueer family. We use βthey/themβ pronouns.β They seemed confused and walked away. Later, they praised my dad for his patience with our wacky parenting, which reminded us that not everyone is ready to understand or accept our approach.
Handling Questions about our Gender-Creative Approach to Parenting
When people ask, βIs it a boy or a girl?β we usually sidestep the question by introducing our baby with their name or age. This often surprises people and shifts the conversation to focus on more relevant details about our child. Sometimes, people push back on using βthey/themβ pronouns. For instance, a lady at the grocery store leaned in and told our baby, βYou tell your mommy youβre not a βthey.ββ It was a tough moment, but it underscored the importance of our gender-creative choice and the need for more understanding and awareness.
Common Questions and Concerns
We often encounter various questions and misconceptions about our gender-creative approach. Here are a few we frequently address:
- Wonβt this confuse the child?
- On the contrary, allowing children to freely explore their interests and identity can lead to a stronger sense of self. They learn to understand themselves without the pressure to fit into predefined boxes. Studies have shown that children not confined by gender stereotypes often develop better problem-solving skills and have higher self-esteem.
- How will you handle it if they want to identify as a specific gender later?
- Our approach gives our children the space to explore and decide what feels right for them. If they choose to identify with a specific gender later on, we will support them fully in that journey.
- Arenβt you imposing your views on the child?
- We believe that by not assigning a gender, weβre actually giving our child more freedom, not less. Theyβre free to discover who they are without any imposed labels.
Benefits of Gender-Creative Parenting
A gender-creative approach to parenting isnβt just about avoiding stereotypes; itβs about fostering a nurturing environment where our child can thrive. By not limiting our babies to traditional gender roles, weβre encouraging them to develop a unique and confident identity. This approach helps our child build resilience and adaptability, invaluable skills in todayβs diverse world. This approachβs benefits are theoretical and tangible in our childβs development and happiness.
Call to Action
What are your thoughts on gender-creative parenting? Have you had similar experiences or challenges? Share your story in the comments below, or connect with us on social media to keep the conversation going! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or want to learn more. Weβre always here to share and support.
Final Thoughts
Gender-creative parenting is not just a method; itβs a commitment to inclusivity and freedom. Our journey highlights the importance of open communication and the willingness to educate others about our parenting style. We are grateful for the support from our community, which values the freedom to explore identity without limitations. Our goal is to provide our child with the love and space they need to grow into their true self beyond the confines of traditional gender roles.
